I am in a polyamorous relationship with 3 other women dating the same man. Back in early January, I severely messed up, and my boyfriend and I had several fights following my mistake. Now, however, we've finally gotten back to a good place and things are going well again. Unfortunately, now two of his girls are constantly telling him how I shouldn't still be around. He's recently told me how sick he is of such comments and jealousy. We all have profiles on a kink-related site, and I just got a notification saying the girl in her early 20s accepted my friend request. I click on her profile and find the following in her about me: "I am the PRETTIEST of his girls. No girl that he ever has will be as pretty as me." I chose to leave it alone and let him address it. My question to you is how should I proceed going forward? I'm not a shy or timid woman, but I also know when to avoid further drama.
I would discuss this with your partner, on several levels. First, you don’t say how you “severely messed up,” but I think it matters whether your '“mess-up” actually impacted his other partners. If he was hurt and miserable to the point of causing problems in his other relationships, or if they were exposed to an STI, or if there was drama that affected their professional or social lives, they have a bit more standing to be annoyed. However, they should be handling that between them and your partner, not pressuring him to leave you.
There is, in general, way too much triangulation going on here. I have a personal policy that I don’t give my partners advice about other partners - I can listen to them, and say things like “yep that sounds frustrating,” but I don’t share my perspective or give suggestions. It’s just too sticky of a situation. Everyone here needs to handle their business with the person they have business with. If Imgi has an issue with your behavior towards her, she should take it up with you. If she has an issue with Bertro’s behavior as a result of his relationship with you, she should take it up with Bertro, not try to take it up with you using Bertrand as a proxy. And there’s no reason for Bertro to come back to you with the stuff Imgi is saying to him. (And perhaps none of y’all should be friends on this website.)
But he does bring this back to you - he told you he is sick of those comments and jealousy. Which is uncalled for on several levels. If I were you, I’d tell him something like “it really hurts and bothers me when you tell me that your other partners are saying negative things about me. Could you please not repeat that stuff back to me? I can tell it’s bothering you, but I’m not the right sounding board for this. You can ask them to quit, or you can choose not to be with people who will put down your other partners, but you can’t just reflect that back to me.”
Then there’s the issue of this thing on her profile, which is not nice. However, it could be more of a fantasy thing; some people are turned on by hierarchical and even competitive dynamics where kink meets non-monogamy. But that should be consensual among everyone who’s playing harem together, and if someone’s not part of that consensual dynamic, it should not be their business. It’s possible that she wrote that to reflect something literal and real in her true life relationships, but given that it was written on a kink site, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s reflecting her kinky self, some kind of bratty, “I’m-the-prettiest” type character that fits her role in kink, rather than who she is and how she practices non-monogamy.
If you are secure in your relationship with Berto, and you can brush this off as someone acting immature, I would leave it be. I think you did the right thing. The bigger issue is that there is this cloud of jealousy and pressure around your relationship. If his other partners really think this relationship is bad for him, and for the other people he’s dating, you may need to do more work to address that and repair some of what was damaged in their eyes, not just make things right between you and Berto. If you get tired of dating someone whose other partners are behaving like this, and if it doesn’t get better after you address it and you ask Berto to address, it, you need to consider whether you want to continue dating someone whose dating circle impacts you in this way.
That said, you don’t need to drop it if you don’t want to, or if it keeps happening, or if it continues to bother you. You can say to Bertro “hey, I saw this on Imgi’s profile, and it bothered me. Is this something she says and believes, or is this part of her kinky persona on this website? Do you think she wanted me to see this, or did she not realize how it might come off to your other partners?” If you feel comfortable talking directly to her, it might also be worth doing that. “I saw that you accepted my friend request, so you knew I could see your profile - can we talk about this line here?”
Ultimately, going forward, I think it’s best to try and ignore attempts to bait you, but don’t ignore bad behavior that’s impacting you and your relationships. You have a right to ask your partner to try and put a stop to this. You have a right to try and address things with your metamours. You have a right to leave this situation if it is just too much drama, or if the earth has been too salted by your past behaviors. And you have a right to hide, unfollow, or ignore your metamours on social media if they are being annoying.