My boyfriend watches a lot of porn even though we have sex 4 times a day and I keep finding porn/cartoon porn on his phone. Is it bad that I feel like he’s cheating on me?
No feeling is “bad” - feelings are just what arise in our minds as we receive and react to the world around us. Some people feel like their partner watching porn is “cheating,” other people are okay with it, but neither perspective is inherently right or wrong. It’s how we act on our feelings that we can judge and control - not the feelings themselves.
It’s important to ask yourself whether his porn habit is impacting you in a practical way. Is he looking at porn when you’re with him, which distracts him from paying his full attention to you? In that case, it’s okay for you to ask him to keep porn viewing as a solo activity.
If it’s just the existence of porn on his phone that’s bothering you, your best bet is to stop looking through his phone. Almost all adults view porn, and asking your partner to never look at porn is probably not realistic. But you could ask him to be more private about it, and do your part to stop seeking out his phone history and content.
Four times a day is a pretty frequent cadence for sex, so you are also within your rights to ask yourself whether that’s what you want. Is your boyfriend pressuring you in any way? Is he using your discomfort with porn to pressure you into having more sex, implicitly threatening that if you don’t have sex with him, he’ll ‘replace’ you with porn? Do you think his frequent porn viewing is contributing to his high sex drive, and if so, is that part of what’s bothering you? Is he pressuring you to do things he sees in porn, or comparing your body to the people he sees in porn? Are there boundaries or limits you need to set around your own sexual availability?
Do you have a concern that he may be using sex and porn as an addictive or numbing behavior? Is there anything else unhealthy going on in your relationship? Does his porn viewing take away his time and attention from other important things in his life? Have you talked to him about your discomfort with porn, and if so, was his response healthy?
My recommendation be to think through what is specifically bothering you - there’s a jealousy here, a sense of “cheating,” but what’s behind that? And once you pin it down a bit more, ask your partner to help you with the feelings and needs you’ve identified.Do you feel inadequate compared to the fantasy of porn? Talk to your partner about anything he’s doing to contribute to that feeling, and work on your own sense of security. Do you feel pressured to participate in his highly sexual behaviors? Ask him to keep the porn to himself, and don’t seek it out. Do you feel that he is directing time and attention towards porn that should be going to your daily lives together? Ask him to be more present. If he argues or refuses, consider whether this is a healthy relationship to remain in.