how can I tell if one of my guys is just trying to be a fuckboy so to speak? i feel like one of my relationships is with someone who is actually more committed to someone else. when i address it he tells me he's not, but then only seems interested if i send nudes or something like that.
Oof, letter writer, I’ve been there, and while it was a tough place to leave, I don’t miss it. So know that my advice is coming from a very real place. Remember that actions speak louder than words. If he acts like a fuckboy, he is a fuckboy.
It’s easy for him to verbally reassure you that he is interested in you when you ask, but if he never follows up on those reassurances, it doesn’t matter. If you’ve already done all cognitive work to figure out his patterns - you can angle for his attention by sending nudes - you have all the information you need. Stop acting like a pigeon in a box, training yourself to perform for the rare nuggets of his attention, and drop this dude. You deserve someone whose attention and affection are not something you need to strategize for.