A couple months ago my wife (Barnella) and I met up with her best friend, Sloanette for drinks at a club. After a long night of drinking she out of nowhere comes to me and says we should take Sloanette home with us. I wasn't surprised considering she actually lived in our spare room for almost 3 years. What did surprise me was that when we got home Barnella told me she wanted to watch me have sex with Sloanette. After 3 hours of talking about it I finally got up the nerve and did what she asked. Now it had become an every Saturday thing for us. Which turns out to be amazing and has brought life back into the marriage. My problem now is that I am starting to have feelings for Sloanette. I still love my wife very much and nobody could ever replace her. So now I have no idea what to do. Please help!
This may not be as much of a problem as you think it is. Your wife clearly has strong feelings for Sloanette, as they’re best friends. She lived with you for three years and it sounds like the three of you have a lot of good energy together and enjoy each other’s company. You’ve been having sex with Sloanette for months now without your wife being “replaced.” Having frequent sex with someone makes it much likelier that you will “catch feelings” for them, and it’s possible your wife and/or Sloanette are having a similar experience.
First, think about what would actually change - you already like Sloanette and seem to enjoy hanging out with her as a friend and including her in your life, and you’re already having sex. That’s pretty close to a sexual-romantic relationship, but there is a gap. What’s in that gap, for you? What is new about these feelings that you’re developing? What are some new things you’d like to do with Sloanette that aren’t currently part of the relationship? Get some clarity within yourself so you can go into conversations equipped to be clear and honest.
Then, talk to Barnella about this! Let her know that starting something sexual with Sloanette has led to a desire for something more sexual-romantic. Ask her how she feels about this current arrangement where the three of you have some kind of sexual connection, and whether she’d be interested in a different kind of connection between the three of you. After that, discuss things with Sloanette. Make space for open, creative, thoughtful conversation about how everyone is feeling. You may find that not much needs to change functionally, but once you share your feelings, everyone shifts a little bit. Or, maybe new boundaries need to be drawn and new arrangements need to be made. Be flexible and gentle with yourself and each other, and follow what feels healthy and fun.