How do I find people to talk or vent to who aren't involved in my polyamorous network?

I have recently added a new partner to my relationship and all three of us are very happy. But I feel alone even though i have them. Everyone needs a friend to talk to but I just don't. My parents are horrified of the idea of being Poly, and when I tried to talk about it, it ended up going terribly, so I can't talk to them like I usually do. and since both partners are in the friend group we don't want to make it weird by telling them about the relationship. I feel like I have no one to talk to.

First off, kudos to you for wisely recognizing that sometimes venting and advice and just talking-things-out needs to happen outside the bounds of a polycule. I’m sorry to hear that you don’t have that kind of social outlet right now. But it is find-able!

Try going to polyamorous meetups in your area! They aren’t all for finding new partners: some are book clubs, discussion circles, board game groups, etc. and the point is for people to find like-minded friends to get advice and support from! You can also try polyamorous forums and chat rooms online - everywhere from reddit to discord has chat, advice, support, and general socializing for polyamorous people.

So i am about to move me and my family to virginia from oklahoma and i’m not having any luck with finding a poly community that isn’t nation wide. I don’t do well in long distance relationships but cant seem to find anything local for the area

In my many moves around the country and the world, I’ve found that most awesome, local communities, event spaces, meetup groups, and other things tend not to maintain a strong online presence. It takes time and work and expertise to manage a website, an online calendar of events, etc. and so what could be a vibrant, thriving community seems non-existent to people who haven’t stumbled across it in real life.

So if you haven’t moved yet, I would caution you not to worry just yet about not being able to find anything. Once you get there, it will be easier to suss out whether the poly community is truly absent or just hard to find from Virginia. It always takes a while to find your people in a new city, even when that’s a major priority. It sucks, but giving up early is a surefire way to never find it.

Once you get there, consider checking out:

• Art and music shows and venues 
• Libraries, colleges, and other spaces that host events
• Munches, sex shops, or BDSM spaces
  
• Co-living and co-working spaces
• Non-profits and volunteer organizations
• Groups, meetups, and spaces that focus on hobbies and interests most often correlated with “alternative lifestyles” (ugh I hate that term): meditation, circus arts, dance, street art, social justice, etc.

Online, check out the website Meetup.com and potentially the local subreddit for whatever area you’ll be in. 

Good luck! I know this frustration very well, and it can be so painful and isolating. But keep at it, and you’ll find your people!