Hey my family thinks I am morally wrong for being polyamorous how do I defend my actions to them
So, so many of the questions I get to this blog - probably the majority of them - come down to this: Someone in my life is thinking and/or behaving in a way that isn’t working for me. How do I change someone else’s thoughts/feelings/behavior?
And the sad answer is: you can’t. You can do all the right things, and say all the right things, but in the end you can only control yourself. Plenty of people out there wish they could get their family to stop judging their choices, but some people will never come around. You need to live your truth and be the best version of yourself, and try to surround yourself with people who can see and honor that.
That doesn’t mean you should entirely cut off anyone who doesn’t approve, but their reality doesn’t have to be your reality. Your morals don’t need anyone else’s validation for you to live them. It’s far, far easier said than done, especially when the censure is coming from your family, but try not to take it personally.
As for how you can explain polyamory to people who think it’s morally wrong: explain that everyone involved gives full consent, and no one is being cheated on. Be sure not to imply that you think monogamy is wrong or inferior or unenlightened, just that this is a different way of being in a relationship that works for you. Try to answer their questions with grace and patience, even if they’re asked obnoxiously. But remember that you are not required to defend your right to live your life the way that works for you - even if they never get it, you still have every right to your polyamory.
Some other resources:
- A really basic overview of “coming out poly” at Psychology Today
- Another overview of coming out to parents at Everyday Feminism
- Questions to expect from parents when coming out at Everyday Feminism
Defenses of polyamory:
- In defense of polyamory at Slate
- Answering arguments against polyamory at Full Marriage Equality
- Pop review of a study finding that poly people are less at risk for STDs than monogamously-identified cheaters at io9
Positive portrayals of polyamory in mainstream media you could point them to: