What is the best way to come out as poly to your family. My one girl friend is married and I want to be open about it, but I don’t want anyone to judge her as well. It’s getting to a point where it needs to happen sooner or later. Plus I’m starting to see another girl on top of her and trying to make it so no one questions what is happening.

The thing is, you can’t stop people from judging. There’s no perfect way to “come out” that means everyone will instantly accept and understand. If people are judgmental, it doesn’t mean you came out in the wrong way. It’s not up to you to manage other people’s opinions and responses.

My recommendation is to be cheerful, honest, and clear with your family. Don’t act like you’re unburdening a great secret. Explain that this is what’s healthy and fulfilling for you, and answer their questions as graciously as you can. Just like any other “coming out,” it’ll be nerve-wracking, but once you decide you’ve got to do it, you just have to jump. 

If people act like jerks, do your best to ignore it. I have some family members who feel the need to share their negative thoughts about my polyamory. Typically I just smile blankly, say “mmhmm” and then change the subject. If they do things like refuse to allow you to bring both girlfriends to Christmas dinner, that’s their problem. Build a network of love and support and let people have their dumb opinions in their own little corners.