I broke up with my only partner a while back. I’m open to poly things just not how he wanted to do it. I would never want to be in a triad situation, I’m a really passive person and always end up the third wheel even in friendship, social and group situations and it would break my heart to be that way in a relationship. So instead I would rather have one on one relationships with different people. How important are dynamics in poly relationships in your opinion, was I right to feel this way..?

There are as many ways to be poly as there are poly people. It’s totally okay if your vision of a healthy, fulfilling poly arrangement doesn’t match with someone else’s. It’s rough when we want to date someone whose ideal arrangement differs, but being able to articulate those incompatibilities is super important and difficult.

It sounds like you really have your house in order - you’re open to trying new things but at the same time you know yourself well, and you know what types of dynamics would and would not work for you. That’s an incredible amount of self-awareness and boundary-drawing ability, and you should be proud. I think you’re very well equipped to try out polyamory since it sounds like you have a lot of the central skills on lock. 

People often write to me asking whether their feelings are valid or make sense, and I always say that it’s not on me or anyone else to say whether you’re right to feel a certain way. You are correct, however, the polyamory is not one-size-fits-all and you deserve to be in the type of relationship that’s most healthy for you.