I’m grey-ace and poly. my partner has bpd and is adverse to being open even though they pushed for us to be poly when I wasn’t ready. now I’m finally at a place where I can open my heart to others, but they are extremely jealous. what should I do?
There’s a lot going on here. If your partner pushed you to do something you weren’t ready for, that’s a red flag and something that needs to be addressed.
When a partner deals with borderline personality disorder, all the communication processes and healthy practices required for polyamory can be difficult, but are all the more necessary and rewarding. If they are seeing a therapist, I recommend you ask them to work on this in therapy, and even offer to attend a few sessions. Ask for some concrete things you can do (usually DBT techniques) to help them manage their jealousy and the fears that jealousy might stem from. Shit Borderlines Do has a great collection of resources on BPD, including a section on relationships.
If your partner’s jealousy can’t be handled in a healthy way such that you two can be polyamorous in a way that meets everyone’s emotional needs, your choice is to stay monogamous, or break up if being mono is a dealbreaker for either of you. Realizing that polyamory doesn’t work for you isn’t a failure, it doesn’t mean you were wrong - it’s totally okay to try things out, and it’s important to be honest with yourself about whether it’s working!