I mentioned in an earlier post on coming out that I have pre-prepared answers for the most common questions I get when I come out. I figured I’d share them with you. You might have completely different answers for when you get The Questions - that’s fine! When I talk to people, I try to present a good impression of polyamory without acting like I speak for every poly person everywhere.
If someone is curious about something, or wants to go more in-depth, I have longer answers for all these questions (some might become essays for this blog) - but these are my short-version answers to keep a conversation moving.
Question: Don’t you get jealous?
Me: Not really. I find that jealousy often stems from a fear of losing someone to someone else. If my boyfriend can see other people without having to leave me, I don’t have to be afraid that him liking someone else will threaten what we have.
Question: Do you have threesomes?
Me: That’s a really inappropriate question and I’d rather not discuss my sex life with you. OR No, our relationships and sex lives stay separate within the couples, but this is not true of all poly people.
Question: Is that like an open relationship? I’ve heard of those.
Me: There are as many ways to be poly as there are poly people. Open relationships tend to be more about sexual permissiveness, while what I do consists of multiple emotionally committed relationship. But it’s a very wide spectrum.
Question: Which one do you like more?
Me: Which do you like more, your car or your bed? One’s great for sleeping but won’t get you anywhere, and the other is great to drive but not for sleeping. I get different things from my different partners and our relationships are all unique. Some are more casual, others are more committed, but I would never rank one above another. Other poly people do it differently and have “primaries” and “secondaries,” but that’s not what I do.
Question: What happens when you want to get married?
Me: Technically, there are laws against multiple marriages, but I’d like to have commitment ceremonies with all of the men I choose to marry, at the various points in our lives when we want to get married.
Question: What do your parents think?
Me: I’m an adult, and I’d never base my relationship choices on what anyone else thinks. That said, I’m very blessed to have parents that support whatever I do as long as I’m happy.
Got questions about answering the inevitable poly interview? Or do you have advice about dealing with the coming-out Q&A? Get in touch here.