Please help me. Is polyamory similar to an orientation? what is it exactly? is wanting to be in a polyamorous relationship something you choose or just happens. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m just really confused about myself right now.

This is actually a very controversial topic within the polyamorous community! I fall pretty firmly on the side of thinking that it’s an orientation - that some people are just happier, healthier, and better fulfilled in monogamous relationships, and some in polyamorous relationships, and some can go either way. I do think that for many people, any innate polyamorous-ness goes unrecognized and unfulfilled by social messages.

But many people disagree with me, some vehemently (Dan Savage is a notable voice in this regard). Many believe that it’s a choice or a behavior, a way of doing things rather than a way of being. And people on both sides feel very strongly about this and associate their position on it with serious political and identity issues. So it’s okay to feel confused, and it’s okay to read dissenting voices and figure out which interpretation best fits your experiences.