So I was cheated on and when I confronted him about it he said “I thought you knew”. Of course I broke up with him and it’s staying that way. There’s just one problem. He’s in my club that comes over to my house once every week. I haven’t made a fuss over it or complained about it but I’m emotionally confused about what I’m supposed to do. P.S. he’s my first kiss

It’s very okay to feel emotionally confused when you have to see your ex at your house once a week! There is nothing you are “supposed” to do - besides do what is best and healthiest for you.

If you feel up to it, there is nothing wrong with just keeping a cool distance from him, being polite and civil but focusing your energy on anything or anyone else. It can be a really powerful feeling to know that you are Being The Grownup and Taking The High Road, if that’s how you can frame it. If he tries to use the club meetings to “win you back” or jockey for your attention, tell him once that he needs to give you space, and if he continues, let him know that he’s not welcome at your house anymore.

But you are not obligated to even try being around him! And if this club is small enough or does something emotionally intimate, like discussion groups or improv or anything else that makes it uncomfortable to do with the ex who cheated on you, it might not be feasible.

Since he is the person who let you down and torpedoed the relationship, he should have been gracious enough to offer to bow out of the club. But he didn’t, so, boo on him. You would be well within your rights to ask him, privately, “hey, since we aren’t together anymore, and since our breakup was really painful for me, I think it would be best if you stopped coming to club meetings at my house.”

Now, there’s always the potential that he could decide to blow this up into some drama, try and insist that he has every right to be there, try and get people on his side, etc. The key is that you do not engage. Do not participate in, or escalate, any of the drama. Simply go about your club-hosting duties, don’t gossip or vent to anyone else in the club about him, and let everyone see you being your best self.

You will get over this jerk, I promise! It will be annoying to have to keep seeing him because of this club, but just know your boundaries, set them clearly, and hold others to them.