So my boyfriend’s other girlfriend called me at 3am drunk, she’s thinking about breaking up with him for various reasons (mostly they have an age gap and lifestyle differences) and basically I told her to think it all over when she’s sober but now like I’m pretty sure she still wants to break up with him but I don’t know if I should say something to my boyfriend, I’ve encouraged them to talk it out but they won’t? Do I warn him? Do I let her handle it? I love him and don’t want him to get hurt?!
This is a really tough situation to be in, and it sounds like you’re handling it maturely, so kudos on that. I have a policy where I don’t give partners advice on their other partners, because I find situations like this nearly impossible to handle maturely. But it sounds like she stomped over a lot of boundaries there, so I am not at all faulting you for not setting one.
If it were me, I wouldn’t say anything to my boyfriend, because I don’t like being in the middle of situations like that, and I wouldn’t feel like it was my news to share. But that’s not the correct thing to do, it’s just what I would do. You may feel a responsibility not to withhold this information from him, or you may feel that it’s not worth the risk of him finding out you knew and resenting you for withholding it. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong choice.
The person I do think you need to talk to, though, is her. Calling you at 3am, getting so drunk that she makes irresponsible calls in her relationships, putting you in the middle like that - none of that is appropriate, and you have every right to lay down a clear boundary. Tell her that while you support her and want her to be happy and healthy, but you cannot and will not have conversations about her relationship with your boyfriend. And turn your phone on silent when you sleep!