My boyfriend and I have been dating monogamously for almost a year and I’ve never gotten as close to anyone in my life. I recently realized I’m poly and he doesn’t think he will ever be okay with my acting on it. I don’t want to lose him. I’m scared.

Sadly, I don’t have a magic solution for you. Sometimes, in life and in relationships, we have to make sacrifices, we have to choose one thing and let go of the rest. If your boyfriend isn’t okay opening up the relationship, you’ve got to choose which is more important to you: being in a poly relationship, or being with him. It’s a hard choice and both sides involve a major loss on your part, but if there’s truly no third option, that’s what you need to do.

But making the decision is only half of the this-is-really-hard equation. The next step is to commit wholeheartedly to the choice you made. Jump in, both feet first, get your hair wet, and never look back. You can’t make it halfway, or with one eye always on what could have been. Let go with both hands and move forward into the life you’ve chosen. You’re not locked in to your choice forever, but for the moment, you need to be totally bought in.

This is a tough tough situation, and you have my empathy and support. Good luck!