I don’t identify with monogamy. I’m on my first open-relationship - not poly - for several months no. But there’s a little complication: I’m demisexual. I rarely - don’t want to say never - get sexually interested in someone unless I feel a really deep emotional connection. It’s different to my partner, he has several sexual partners. I have none - except him. I rarely connect to people. And it’s been an uncomfortable situation. Don’t know what to do…

The first thing to do is to ask yourself what, specifically, is uncomfortable about the mismatch between you two. The fact that your partner has more partners than you doesn’t need to reflect on how you two relate to each other, as long as you’re both fine with the situation otherwise.

If, for instance, you’re frustrated because he spends time away from you with his other partners, but you don’t have other partners to fill that time with, that’s a conversation that needs to be had - but that’s about behavior and priorities, and can be solved by communication rather than one of you magically changing your sexual preferences to match the other.

In my experience, poly people generally fall into one of two camps: “partner-seeking” and “partner-accepting.” (Of course, few people are 100% partner-seeking or partner-accepting all the time - like everything related to how humans experience ourselves and our world, it’s a spectrum, and can differ based on circumstance.)

Partner-seeking folks actively search out new partners. They often take joy in flirting and going on first dates, and they sometimes crave “new relationship energy.” Partner-accepting folks don’t often feel that push to be finding new partners. Many of them are bored or exhausted by early- and pre-dating things like flirting. But when they do meet someone they click with, they’ll take the opportunity to invite someone new into their life.

My point is, when someone who’s more partner-seeking and someone who’s more partner-accepting become partners, they often worry about the mismatch in needs and behavior. But it’s okay! If you’re perfectly happy having sex with fewer people, and he’s perfectly happy having lots of partners, that doesn’t need to affect your partnership. The fact that you only have one partner right now doesn’t mean you’re not poly or that you’re doing poly wrong. You’re open to other partners, it just might take a while for one to come along.