I can have romantic feelings for more than one person at once. When I’m in a relationship and have a crush on someone else, I feel guilty, though I don’t act on it. I feel that polyamory wouldn’t work for me. Am I non-practicing polyamorous or something?

Only you can make that determination for yourself. If you feel that polyamory wouldn’t work for you, then maybe you’re not polyamorous, you’re a monogamous person who gets crushes. That’s quite possible, and quite common. Despite what a lot of our media likes to say, loving someone, even monogamously, doesn’t guarantee that you’ll “only have eyes for them” or never feel attracted to anyone else. Cheating, or just indulging feelings besides your partner, is a temptation many monogamous people have to fight at some point or another. Try to let go of the guilt - feelings are just feelings, and crushing on other people doesn’t make you a bad partner. 

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Hi! My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years and are now polycurious. I’m a straight male and she is a pansexual female and are interested in finding a bisexual girl for a triad. However, we would only have sex/date one another. Where do we start?

I’m confused - if you’re only having sex with each other, and you’re only dating each other, where does that leave this third person? What does it mean to you to be part of a “triad?” What do you want from this person, specifically? You need to figure out between yourselves what you’re looking for more specifically.

In my experience, bisexual women are very often approached by mostly-hetero couples looking for someone to “invite into their relationship” or otherwise fool around with. None of the bi women I know are all that excited about this invitation. Think about it: would you want to be brought in to spice up someone else’s relationship but not given equal emotional or relational (or even sexual) consideration?

It’s not a very appealing offer for this bisexual woman you’re hoping to find. If you’re not offering her sex or a fulfilling, committed relationship, what does she get out of the deal? Lots of “unicorns” have been burned by couples who don’t have their emotional baggage sorted out well enough to incorporate a third person, with all their feelings and needs, into their sex life, let alone their relationship. Please don’t be part of this problem.

You two may have decided that it would be fun to play around with another woman, but there is no “polycurious bisexual woman” store where you can go pick one up. You need to have something on the table to offer her, whether it’s an intimate friendship or one night of sexy fun, and be clear and upfront about what you are and are not able to provide.

Once you figure that out, the internet is pretty much your best bet. Find a site or app that meets your needs, and be humble and prepared for lots of rejection - you’re essentially asking a pretty big favor from another person who has her own life to live. I don’t know many people whose fetish is spending their time and energy helping a couple they’re not part of explore their “polycuriosity.”