I'm trans and my partner recently started dating someone who happens to have my dead name. While I think she is a lovely person, I get uncomfortable talking about her because of this. Any advice on how to deal with this issue?
I am sorry that you are in a situation where you have to frequently face hearing and saying your deadname. Try to take some comfort in the fact that it’s now being used to refer to someone else rather than you.
Dealing with deadnames can be tricky and painful, but you are going to encounter people throughout your life who have your deadname. I’ve seen one tumblr post suggesting that people try naming a buddy pokemon or other virtual pet that name, so they get used to seeing the name in a friendlier context. Granted, a new metamour is a much higher stakes situation than a pokemon friend, but you could try framing it as a way to “hand-off” or “launder” your associations with that name. Saying that name is going to be uncomfortable for a while, but if you get used to referring to her with that name, and not yourself, that will be a nice shift to make.
If you think it’s not possible or too painful for you to try and engage with that name right now at all, you could also ask her if it would be okay for you to use a nickname for her. But that is a delaying tactic, not a solution - you’ll have to deal with the existence of that name at some point. I think the sting will lessen through repetition and a changing of associations. In the meantime, though, while you’re working on making that shift, make sure to tend to your discomfort. Take care of yourself, find ways to validate and affirm your identity, and be patient with yourself.