I really wanna be in a triad relationship with two boys (I’m a girl), but I've never met anyone who is down with that and it's all I really think about and I really want this?
It’s totally fine to have desires and fantasies and dreams - most people have at least a few. We dream about our careers, our future family, our romantic prospects, the dog we’d like to adopt someday, and everything in between.
It’s good to know what you want, because that helps you build a life that brings you joy and fulfillment. No matter what type of relationship you want, it will take time, patience, effort, and a little bit of luck to find. There’s even an entire genre of movie about how straight, monogamous people struggle to find the partner of their dreams!
It’s important to remember, though, that ultimately, we date people, not relationships. Pursuing a specific relationship style rather than seeking intimacy with individuals is an easy mistake to make but it will lead you down some rough roads. Seeing a relationship as a “goal” to “achieve” will also cause you tons of anguish, so be careful with that.
Work on yourself, find ways to meet polyamorous people organically (dating sites, meetups, the local scene), and try to be patient. It’s definitely good to know your “best case scenario” so you have that as a guide, but don’t get too wrapped up in a fantasy. Inevitably, reality won’t end up looking like your expectations, and it’s better to live in the present than the future.
If you find that these thoughts are so intrusive or obsessive that it’s impacting your happiness or ability to focus on other things in your life, consider working with a therapist who specializes in that.