hey I’m a bi (cis) guy and I’ve been dating a gay man and a straight woman (we’re poly) for two years now. Overtime I’ve started to feel like this man is my soulmate and I no longer want to divide my attention from him at all. I have no idea how to break things of with this woman who’s very important to me without losing her altogether and I’m wondering if I should take that step at all. Would it be a bad idea to keep the poly dynamic if I want monogamy?

If you don’t want to be in a relationship, don’t stay in the relationship. It is okay to learn more about yourself or realize that your desires have changed over time! That’s what dating is all about - learning what works for you and what you want.

As for whether you can break up with someone without losing her entirely: some relationships take well to a shifting of gears from romantic to platonic; others don’t. You can’t control the outcome. Be honest, gentle, clear, and sensitive, and then accept her response with grace.