Hi, I’m a girl and I like the one guy. He just told me that he really likes me too and I was really happy, but then he told me, he already has a girlfriend, but when the time comes, he would be really happy to be with her and also with me in polyamorous relationship. I won’t lie, I was a little bit shocked, but also very happy. But I don’t know how would that work. I mean I guess I’m poly too, and also bisexual, but I’m scared, that I won’t have feelings for her and just for him. What should i do?

It is a misconception that all poly relationships must be “triads” where all people date each other. If he wants to be with her and also with you, he may have meant that he just wants to date her and also date you. You don’t need to also be romantically or sexually involved with her. This is generally called V-shaped polyamory.

If he actually made it clear that to date him you’ll also have to date her, don’t do that. It is not healthy to be pressured into a relationship for any reason, and it is unfair to both you and her to force a relationship without giving it room, time, and patience to organically develop (or not). You may really like this guy, but that is an inappropriate requirement for dating him, and you don’t have to do it.

Also, I’m wary of the “when the time comes” comment. If he is trying to keep you on the line while he works to shift his monogamous relationship to become polyamorous, that isn’t very fair to you. It also puts you at risk for being seen as a threat or a “secondary” by his current girlfriend - if she has to give permission for him to date you, but not vice versa, it sets up a potentially unhealthy power dynamic.

In conclusion: Be careful with this guy and do not tolerate anything from him that makes you feel disrespected, scared, uncomfortable, or secondary.