I fell in love. Then he fell out of love…I didn’t. I love him with every ounce of myself. I fucked up. I hooked up with him & I found out about all the other girls. Right now, I feel a numbing pain everywhere. I cant do it anymore. I want ME to end.
Listen to me. You didn’t fuck up. Nothing about this is your fault. It’s perfectly common to have strong feelings for someone who doesn’t return them. And it’s unfortunately very common to follow those strong feelings into someone’s bed. It sounds like he took advantage of you for that hookup, knowing he couldn’t be what you wanted him to be, but that you were still willing to give him your time and energy.
Let him be the bad guy in this situation. It’s okay to be angry and hurt. To feel cheated and resentful and regretful. But it’s not your fault. It’s just a terrible situation. Know that this feeling will pass. Lots of people throughout history have dealt with unrequited love, have been let down by someone they wanted more from. This numbing pain is survivable. Truly, honestly, you will make it through this.
Reach out to friends or family. Take care of yourself. Go for a spa day, see a movie, eat some ice cream, distract yourself with something that feels good. And if you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts or can’t handle the emotional pain, reach out for help with that immediately: