Im 23 years old, Im genderqueer and pan. I was just invited into a relationship with one girl, a nonbinary person, and two guys. (They all live together.) I’ve been crushing and going on random dates with the girl for a while now and she just introduced her other partners. I told them I needed a day or two to think about it and I’m seriously considering it. Do you have any advice before I go into this relationship or things I should know?

You don’t have to date three other people just because you like this girl! If this isn’t something you feel uncomfortable about, you don’t need to do it. You deserve the time and space to develop your own relationship with these other people - don’t just jump into a polyfidelitous relationship with four people because you’re into one of them.

If this sounds like a fun adventure to you, if there are no red flags, then for sure, go for it! Just take it slow and be gentle with yourself. Don’t let yourself be rushed or pressured. Maybe you won’t hit it off sexually or romantically with one of the people - don’t force it. Let those relationships be happy and healthy in their own unique ways. It’s unreasonable of the people in this quad to believe that nothing will change when you enter their dynamic, or that you will meet all of their expectations perfectly. They should make space for you!

So, there’s my advice: know and advocate for your own needs; take it slow; be gentle and patient with yourself and expect the same from them.