so, i met this poly couple. they’re married. they’ve expressed great interest in me, but my only interest is in the wife. it’s been about three months since we’ve met, and a lot has gone on since then. i often feel jealous or envious when i see him touching her. but i know that they’re married, and have been with each other for seven years, so i never feel like taking her from him. that’s just wrong. i’m just debating on whether or not i should continue to pursue a relationship with her. i just always feel so bad when i go over there, ya know? the last time i stayed i got a panic attack from seeing him dry hump her. it was just so terrible… but i like her alot. she told me she thinks she’s falling in love with me. a part of me wants to leave, but the other part wants to see how things will play out.

Panic attacks are nothing to mess around with. If a relationship is putting that much psychological and emotional strain on you, it’s usually healthiest to get out of it. Even if this woman is great for you, the circumstances just aren’t. 

It’s okay not to be okay with polyamory. I wouldn’t date a guy who’s a smoker, even if he’s otherwise amazing, because being around smoke and the smoky smell makes me so uncomfortable. You aren’t obligated to put up with a situation that makes you sick, for any reason.

Find someone to date whose relationship terms work better for you. And, if you aren’t already, I strongly recommend that you get treatment for the panic attacks. It’s totally valid to get upset in upsetting situations, but if you’re having panic attacks, that’s a different animal, and you deserve to get help and feel better.