how can i tell my girlfriend that i don’t want commitment. i made it pretty clear in the beginning, keep in mind i’m 15, and i hate commitment. I wanna be with other people, while being with her, but i know she won’t like that. how do i tell her that i wanna have other relationships without making anything with anyone official without hurting her

It used to be that people your age dated pretty openly, and there was a difference between “going out with” and “going steady with.” But things have changed, and I take it your girlfriend isn’t an Archie & Veronica fan.

I get a lot of questions like this - people say “I want my partner to understand something, or agree to something, but they don’t - how can I say the magic words to get them to feel or think a different way?” The thing is, you can’t. Your girlfriend might as easily write to me to ask how to tell her boyfriend that she wants commitment. Hearing this will hurt her feelings - you can’t avoid that, but you can handle it with grace and gentleness.

If your girlfriend wants commitment, and you don’t, one of you two needs to compromise or the relationship needs to end. It’s okay to want different things, and it’s good that at this age you know what you want in a relationship and can clearly articulate it. Your girlfriend won’t be happy to hear this, and you should be sensitive and responsible with the emotional fallout, but soon you’ll both be able to pursue relationships that meet your needs better.

A note on your age: I don’t know many 15 year olds who love commitment, and it sounds like you have the self awareness to keep yourself from getting locked into a relationship that’s not appropriate for where you are in your life. That’s awesome! But be careful about letting “I hate commitment” become a rigid facet of your self-identity. There are times where committing is the healthy thing to do, so stay open and take each situation as it comes.

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