I’m in love with a boy. I think I don’t know. I can’t tell. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been about him for 3 years. I can’t let him go. I tried to get over him with other guys. It doesn’t work. He wants sex. I’ve imagined it w him. But nobody else. That says a lot for me. But I’m worried what if he’s not in love with me. I may not even be in love w him. I said goodbye to him last night. I haven’t wanted to eat. socialize. Anything. I cried myself to sleep. I cried for 4 hours this morning. Skipped school cause I couldn’t bare to see his face. Do I tell him I may love him. Or let him go. The whole story is so complicated and long I just I don’t know if I should love or let go..
The fact that you call him a “boy” and mention skipping school leads me to believe that you’re in high school, or maybe college. Feeling this sort of all-consuming love for someone is normal at that age. It’s painful and difficult but also, as you may know, exhilarating. To care so deeply about someone, or something, is a hallmark of youth and it’s something that many adults sometimes miss, though in a sort of bittersweet way.
If you can, try to channel this passion into something creative. So much great artwork, music, literature, etc. has been created by people like you, caught up in a love they couldn’t control. Take all this energy and direct it at something you can control and be proud of. Write fanfic inspired by your fantasies about this boy and cultivate an audience who lives for the romance! Or find whatever artistic outlet works for you. When you feel helpless, try to find a way to make this empowering. Let your feelings be about you, not him.
That said, crying for four hours and skipping school is not normal or remotely fun. If this is a common thing for you - if you often feel overwhelmed by emotion, if you feel unable to face people or situations that cause you anxiety and this makes you avoid or miss out on things, that’s a sign of a bigger problem that you deserve help for. Please talk to a parent or a school counselor about this. Skipping school is almost never a good option for the long term - mental health days are one thing, but being unable to be around classmates you have feelings for will disrupt your education. And you don’t deserve that. This isn’t about a specific boy, it’s about helping you feel safe and capable of handling challenging situations. Don’t let difficult feelings trap you in a pattern of sadness and avoidance.
As for whether you should tell him or let him go, that’s up to you. But if you’re worried that he’d want sex if you told him about your feelings, and if that’s not something you’re ready for, or if you know you would be devastated to have sex with him and find out his feelings for you aren’t that strong, maybe consider trying to let this go. See about joining a team or a club that doesn’t include him and build a social life or other fun distractions around yourself. This depth of love and passion feels eternal and unsurpassable now, but we all change as we grow, and you won’t feel like this forever, trust me.