I am feeling very neglected by my partner. Since losing his job, he isn’t responding to messages, he’s late for time together or doesn’t show, and we have not had sex in 2 months. He says he still loves me, but is depressed. What do I do?

It sounds like your partner is dealing with a pretty textbook case of depression. Being without a job can be really, really hard on some people. Some people find it nearly impossible to get motivated without a routine, other people find that their self worth tanks without a job. No matter what the source issue is, your partner needs help and support right now.

If he’s not currently seeing a therapist, try and help him find one. Sit down with him and look up providers in your area, covered by your insurance if you have it. Help him make the initial calls and appointments. Or encourage him to try an online therapy service, check out a local yoga class, or otherwise get the help that he needs.

Try and help him find a job. Help him beef up his resume, reach out to your contacts, sit with him while he sends out applications. Sometimes just having some external support and a little push - not judgment or pressure, just positive and helpful energy - helps immensely.

Do your best to meet him halfway. If he’s late for time together or doesn’t show, ask him why. Did he feel overwhelmed by getting himself up and out of the house? Is he ashamed or embarrassed and therefore feeling avoidant? If he can’t show up, you can. Spend time with him at his place, or make all the plans and pick him up. He’s in a period right now where he can’t attend to your emotional needs all that well - my advice is to do what you can to get him through that period. 

Of course, you’re not obligated to do any of this. If you don’t feel up to riding out this period of depression with him, if your partner isn’t meeting your needs and you can’t step up to take on more than half of the emotional heavy lifting for a while, your other option is to leave. You don’t have to stay in a relationship that makes you feel neglected. But know that in any relationship, all partners will have low points, and over time, each partner will have their own periods of needing to lean hard on someone, and their turn at giving more than they get. It’s up to you to determine whether this is something you can weather with this boyfriend, or not.